I often get an impression from others that it’s time for me to stop having a “casual relationship”, but to get married. When a romantic relationship comes to an end, it means that we won’t share the world to the same intensity as before. Being Patience. It would be more than great if I could do it with somebody for a life time. This is often pawned off as “romantic,” but it isn’t healthy. Sometimes I couldn’t travel for too long or too deeply in some of the relationships, but it was still all worth exploring another world of somebody, mine and ours. Because what better way to make ourselves better than “using” — or “through the lens of” — someone else? It is a life-changing decision to promise such commitment with somebody. Isn’t it unquestionable that we lose them when a relationship is over? Accepting your partner with his/her … You either succeed in getting married or not. I was deeply involved in a serious relationship for about 3 years until recently. Because other people are outside of our control, and dumping a huge chunk of our emotional wellbeing into external things — like another human being’s decisions and behavior — is reckless at best. If I look back at all my past relationships, nobody was never or would be mine, regardless of whether a relationship continues or not. Setting a marriage as the end goal of a relationship and focusing on achieving it have greatly created anxiety about the unpredictable future of a relationship and fear of a failure. But how come I just tried to recklessly jump into it? If a relationship doesn’t turn into a marriage, is it a failure? I don’t have a relationship to “settle”, but only to explore the journey of life with love, joy and growth. It’s making sure that we’re taking responsibility for our emotional needs and wellbeing — and then, investing in theirs. How about a sense of loss which I believe is at the core of all the sufferings and pains caused by a break-up? Aren’t we in a “romantic” relationship because of and for love? How about the actual person I was once in love with? I tried really hard to settle in every relationship without really thinking about what it all means to me and my life. I just wanted to settle as if it is the ultimate goal of a relationship to achieve and it would magically bring happiness to my life, saving all the problems I have had in the past relationships. Yes, the imaginary expectations I have about our future together. Perhaps the purpose of a relationship is for companionship. Those who continue to create more love in their lives also create more opportunity, money, and fun. Travelling doesn’t mean that it’s only for a short-time. Way too many people focus on what they “get” from what they expect their partner to do. “The purpose of a relationship is to live within and maintain the social structures, i.e., get married and have kids.”, People with this purpose in mind are the ones who get very anxious about “defining” the relationship so that they know “what this is” and “where we’re going.”, “The purpose of a relationship is to find your better half; the person that ‘completes’ you; your ‘everything.’”. Although I haven’t fully admitted it until now by being too preoccupied with the marriage stuff, having a relationship has always been like travelling the new world to me. "Conversations with God (Book 1)" through Neale Donald Walsch . It is really up to our decision if we lose somebody after a break-up or not. It’s not about our partner making us happy, “What are some appropriate reasons to actually want to be in a relationship?” “What should be the purpose of a relationship? Their questions have rarely been about what kind of person I am seeing and want to have in my life, but about when I am going to get married. “The purpose of a relationship is to live within and maintain the social structures, i.e., get married and have kids.” What should be its end goal?”. The only person you have full control over is yourself. Nothing would work that way in life. Obviously growing fear and anxiety are not a sign of a working relationship, and, in hindsight, they have stopped me from being fully present and loving the other person in a relationship, not to mention fully enjoying a relationship. I still hope to find a life partner not to get married, but to share as much love, fun/joy and growth together as possible. Whether in a marriage or not, the ideal purpose of a relationship I believe is to love, to have fun/joy and to grow, not just physically but of course mentally and spiritually as well. What if the purpose of your relationship was something unconditional and something that you could take responsibility for? You either succeed in getting married or not. I wanted to finally settle and have no more break-up. It takes time to give and get time, so be patient. If I only focus on the “end results” of a relationship as a marriage, yes, all the emotional work of a relationship is a hassle, particularly when the results are not achieved. What if the purpose of your relationship or marriage was something more like: Personal development; Enjoying the adventure of life together; Spiritual growth; Practicing unwavering commitment to another person How on earth do I know when I would get married when I am not even in a relationship or unsure if I think who I am seeing can be my life partner? It’s taking agency for our happiness — and then, theirs. I know it doesn’t sound right to view a relationship from the perspective of success or failure, but isn’t a sense of a failure honestly what we all feel about a break-up to some extent? There are thousands of couples having unhappy marriages and getting divorced because they idly believe they don’t need to work on a relationship anymore. If I think about it now, it was quite a reckless and illusionary thought. “The purpose of a relationship is to live within and maintain the social structures, i.e., get married and have kids.” People with this purpose in mind are the ones who get very anxious about… A marriage gives some sense of stability and security in a relationship, but it doesn’t mean that it would magically work out itself without any efforts. It is meditation in motion. Perhaps what we are seeking in a relationship is a sharing of the self not possible elsewhere. They emphasize our own ownership and responsibility in both good times and bad times. Most of all, a break-up has always left me enormous emotional pains and everybody seems to agree that we are supposed to suffer from the end of a relationship for a while, if not a life-time. But practicing love of self and others certainly makes life a little richer, and that’s probably reason enough to give it an earnest go. (Here I’m specifically talking about a romantic relationship). Taking A Break From Writing Can Make You A Better Writer, How to get over someone you were never actually with, If you want to fix your relationship this is what you should be focusing on, How To Actually Show Love To A “Quality Time” Person, 15 Black Women Authors I’ve Read and Recommend, Dating a good guy after a toxic relationship, We All Want To See Everyone Else’s Real Quarantine Moments. The short answer: it really depends on who you ask, and what your overall “life” mindset is. But not only does the world created together remain within us, but we could still share some parts of our life and love each other like we do with any other friends in our life. In fact, I wished, but didn’t really ask myself if he was the right one or not, nor considered what changes this choice of settling could bring to my life.
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